6 Minute Read
Prepare Your Heart
To the best of your ability, get rid of all distractions. Take a few minutes to breathe deeply and quiet yourself in the Lord’s presence. Then, ask the Lord to speak to you in this time. Let Him know that you will listen and make whatever adjustments He will reveal to you.
Read God’s Word
Isaiah 44-46
Colossians 3:18-4:18
A Verse for Today
Slowly and reflectively read the following verse(s) and listen to what God will say to you through His written Word. Consider writing down any insights He reveals to you.
Colossians 3:18-19 (CSB): “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.”
Reflecting on God’s Word
Colossians 3:18 sounds harsh, doesn’ it. “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands.”
“Wives must submit? Why aren’t husbands also told to submit?”
Here’s a principle: God’s Word can seem unreasonable and even harsh at times. But, if we are convinced that our God is a loving God who knows how we work best and desires for us to flourish in this life, then we need to dig deeper into those texts until we properly understand what God is telling us in them.
So, let’s do that with Colossians 3:18-19. Let’s dig into what God is saying when He gives the specific and distinctive instructions to husbands and wives.
Let’s begin by acknowledging that the letters to the Ephesian Christians and the Colossian Christians were written at the same time. In fact, they have some remarkable commonalities. The text under consideration in this post is no exception. Just look at the following parallels:
| Ephesians | Colossians |
| 5:18 – “Be filled with the Spirit” | 3:16a – be filled with the Word |
| 5:19 – singing to the Lord from our heart | 3:16b – singing to the Lord from our heart |
| 5:20 – giving thanks in everything | 3:17 – giving thanks in everything |
| 5:21 – submit to one another | |
| 5:22-24 – wives submit to your husbands | 3:18 – wives submit to your husbands |
| 5:25-31 – husbands sacrificially love your wives | 3:19 – husbands sacrificially love to your wives |
In the table above, you can clearly see that the Apostle Paul almost copied and pasted what he wrote in one letter to the other letter. It started with what we must be filled with (“the Spirit” and “the Sword of the Spirit”). From there, he talking about the evidences of being filled with the Word and the Spirit: having a song in our heart, being grateful in everything, and submitting to others (only mentioned in Ephesians, not Colossians).
That’s why I brought Ephesians into this conversation to understand what is going on in Colossians 3:18. In the letter to Ephesus, Paul told everyone to submit to each other. That does not mean that others are of more value. It merely means that we see it as our privilege and responsibility to serve others just as Jesus came to serve us (Mark 10:43-45). After he told everyone to submit to each other (something only possible if we are Spirit-filled), then he told wives to submit to their own husbands.
But get this – the word “submit” is not in Ephesians 5:22. In the original Greek text, it actually says, “Wives to your own husbands.” A Greek syntax rule says that if a verb was used in the previous sentence and you want to use it again, you don’t need to re-say it. It is implied.
So, in Ephesians 5:22, Paul didn’t use the word “submit” for wives because he had just used it in the previous sentence to say we should all submit to each other. This clearly means that wives aren’t the only ones to submit. We all are supposed to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21).
The question is not, “Are wives supposed to submit to their husbands”? Instead, the question is, “What does a wife’s and a husband’s submission look like and how do they differ from each other?”
Paul answered this question when he got to the end of his discussion on husbands and wives. Here’s what he said:
Ephesians 5:33 (CSB): “To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”
So, based on what Paul said in Ephesians 5:22-33, with his summary statement in verse 33, Paul is telling us that a wife’s submission to her husband looks like respect. She treats him with respect and does the things that demonstrates her respect for him. The husband, on the other hand, sacrificially loves his wife. In fact, Paul points husbands to Jesus when he tells them how much they are to love their wives: “
Ephesians 5:25 (CSB): “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her”
So, a wife is called to demonstrate respect for her husband and a wife is to demonstrate sacrificial love for his wife.
That’s not bad! That’s incredible! Do you know why? Because God knows how He made us and knows how we can thrive.
If you were to ask 100 women on the streets what they want most from their husbands, an overwhelming majority of them would say, “I want him to demonstrate a love that is willing to sacrifice for me.” If you were to ask 100 men on the streets what they want most from their wives, they would say, “I want her to demonstrate that she looks up to me, she respects me.”
Or, as someone said recently, women want to hear the words, “I love you,” while men want to hear the words, “Thank you.”
So, essentially God’s command for wives to submit to their husbands is to illustrate a believer’s posture toward Jesus, even as she satisfies her husband’s longing to be respected. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Jesus loved us and gave Himself for us, which illustrates the Gospel truth to a watching world, even as it meets their wives deepest longing to be loved deeply.
God made males and females different, which in some ways is an understatement. If you want to read a secular classic work on how different we are, particularly in how we think, what we crave, how we interact, and more, consider reading John Gray’s book, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” (1992).
Spend Time in Prayer
- Ask God, if you are married, to fill your role as a husband or wife, and satisfy the deepest longing of your spouse by obeying Jesus’ command in Ephesians 5:22-33 and Colossians 3:18-19.
Going Deeper
If you want to dig a little deeper into mutual submission, consider reading the following GotQuestions article:
“What does it mean to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)?”
“Are men and women equal in God’s eyes?”
Sharing
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Matt Ellis is the pastor of White Hall Baptist Church in Richmond, Kentucky (whitehallbaptistchurch.org)
Matt’s Musings 