6 Minute Read

Prepare Your Heart

To the best of your ability, get rid of all distractions. Take a few minutes to breathe deeply and quiet yourself in the Lord’s presence. Then, ask the Lord to speak to you in this time. Let Him know that you will listen and make whatever adjustments He will reveal to you.

Read God’s Word

Jeremiah 7:1-9:3
1 Timothy 2:1-3:13

A Verse for Today

Slowly and reflectively read the following verse(s) and listen to what God will say to you through His written Word. Consider writing down any insights He reveals to you.

1 Timothy 3:2 (CSB): “An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,”

Reflecting on God’s Word

First Timothy 3:1-7 is a list of qualifications for a pastor (elder). The second quality mentioned is “the husband of one wife.” That phrase has been the source of contention and misinterpretation for a very long time. Let’s settle the matter right now, once and for all. LOL

To start off, the word “divorce” is not used. There is a Greek word for “divorce,” and it is used multiple times in Scripture, including in Matthew 1:19, where Joseph is specifically called “righteous” even as he was preparing to divorce Mary.

Matthew 1:19 (CSB): “So her husband, Joseph, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her publicly, decided to divorce her secretly.”

The main reason I make this point is that so many have claimed that 1 Timothy 3:2 forbids a divorced person from serving in the pastorate. While there is certainly grounds for someone holding to that conviction, we need to realize that the word “divorce” isn’t in the text. The word existed in the first century and was used by multiple New Testament writers, but it was not used when Paul gave the qualifications for a pastor. (For those who are getting red around the collar right now, keep reading.)

So, what exactly did Paul say?

In the original language of Koine Greek, the words that have often been translated “the husband of one wife” are the words (pardon the Greek): μιᾶς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα.

μιᾶς = “one”
γυναικὸς = “woman”/ “wife”
ἄνδρα = “man”/ “husband”

So, if we translate the Greek text as literally as possible, Paul was saying that a pastor/elder is to be “a one woman kind of man” or “a one wife kind of husband.”

While those words would include a vast majority of unbiblical divorces, they include much more than unbiblical divorces.

For instance, what about a pastor who is caught cheating on his wife but who never gets a divorce? Could he remain in the pastorate?

What about a man who stays up at night scrolling through porn sites but never divorces his wife? Can he remain in the pastorate?

I would argue: “No! He cannot!”

But on what basis?

I would point to the words that Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 3:2 and say: “While that pastor did not get a divorce, he has clearly not been ‘a one woman kind of man.’ He hasn’t been faithful to his wife in mind and body. He has disqualified himself for the position of pastor, and probably for the rest of his life.”

Divorce is horrible. It rips lives apart. It tarnishes the picture of Jesus’ relationship to His church (Ephesians 5:22-33). It breaks a covenant made before God. It is ALWAYS brought on by sin. And there are so many more reasons why an unbiblical divorce is wrong.

But we must be careful because, as I mentioned earlier, the Bible calls Joseph “a righteous man” even as he was in the act of preparing to divorce Mary (Matthew 1:19). Further, God told the prophet, Jeremiah, that He divorced Israel in Jeremiah 3:8.

Jeremiah 3:8 (CSB): “I observed that it was because unfaithful Israel had committed adultery that I had sent her away and had given her a certificate of divorce. Nevertheless, her treacherous sister Judah was not afraid but also went and prostituted herself.”

Since God the Father divorced Israel because of spiritual adultery, and since He defines what is right by His actions and words, Jesus allowed adultery as an “escape hatch” for those whose marriages are tarnished by it. Notice in the following verses that Jesus allowed for divorce on the grounds of “sexual immorality.”

Matthew 19:8-9 (CSB): “He told them, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.'”

Jesus’ logic was: “Since God the Father did it, then it is not wrong. So, you are not obligated to divorce an adulterous spouse (“sexual immorality”), but if they refuse to repent and they continue in their adultery, you can divorce them if you so choose.”

Clearly, the topic of divorce must be handled with a clear, convictional, biblical worldview that brings all that the Bible has to say about it to bear on each circumstance. We dare not settle for a simplistic view that whimsically lumps everyone and every circumstance together and ignores the Scripture’s counsel, as well as the examples of righteous Joseph and our holy God.

We should strive for godly marriages, covenantal unions in which “divorce” is a curse word never uttered as an option unless clearly informed by Scripture (Matthew 19:1-12; 1 Corinthians 7:10-16; Ephesians 5:22-33; etc.).

But there is more to marriage than merely remaining legally married. The Apostle Paul points to it in the qualifications of a pastor. Even as we remain married and refuse to see divorce as an option, we should strive to be “a one woman kind of man” or, for Christian ladies, “a one man kind of woman.” We are faithful to our spouse in body, mind, and soul.

Once again, we realize that God isn’t satisfied with mere externals. He is much more interested in the condition of our hearts. He doesn’t want us merely to maintain our covenant of marriage; He wants us to mirror the relationship of Jesus and His Church, as a husband and wife love and relate to each other (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Spend Time in Prayer

  • Ask God to help you see your marriage as an illustration of His relationship with His Church. Do you need to repent and obey Him because you are not accurately conveying this picture in your marital relationship?

Going Deeper

If you want to dig a little deeper into the phrase “husband of one wife,” consider reading the following GotQuestions article and relatively short book:

“What does the husband of one wife phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean?”

I would HEARTILY encourage you to get the following book and study it with an open Bible:

“Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible” by Jay E. Adams

Sharing

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Matt Ellis is the pastor of White Hall Baptist Church in Richmond, Kentucky (whitehallbaptistchurch.org)